How to Shift from Conflict to Influence
For the past month, I have shared tips for dealing with various conflict scenarios in the workplace. This month, I am going to take it one step further by turning conflict into influential relationships and situations that can power your future potential.
Let’s uncover the four-step process for converting conflict into Influence.
Own your identity.
Conflict can often stem from insecurities. Someone else goes about approaching problems differently than you, seems more successful than you, gets more recognition than you, come up with solutions quicker than you, receives more support from people that matter to you, has more followers than you, makes more money than you, is better looking than you… While the other person seems to be shining, you are beating yourself up with the inner critic: I’m not good enough. If only I had what they have. I wish I had thought of that. Why don’t people like me like they like them? I cannot believe I made that mistake yesterday - I’m such a failure.
Somewhere along the lines, you have lost sight of your own strengths and value and instead have traded it for a mindset of scarcity. As the other person gets recognized, there are less and less opportunities for you to shine. You may feel threatened and go about your day on the defense, trying to hang onto or hoard information and resources that will make you indispensable. If this experience rings true for you, be encouraged because there is a way to move forward.
Find your strengths - set aside time to reflect, get feedback from your network, engage with a coach, or take an assessment. Constantly be on the lookout for situations they can be applied in your day-to-day. Reflect on the value realized after you have had the chance to apply them. Celebrate the value of your strengths and the person you become as you use them. Repeat these steps until you achieve a sense of ownership over your identity and the specific ways you can make an impact.
Transform your mindset to see the best in others.
Once you have confidence in your own identity, the scarcity mindset begins to fade. Did you notice how many different situations you were able to apply your strengths? If not, engage with a coach who can ask you challenging questions and help you discover tools inside yourself to gain back your confidence. When you can see the abundant landscape in which you can succeed, appreciating others for what they bring to the table becomes easier.
Having self-awareness enables you to look objectively (instead of emotionally), at others. Identify exactly how you are different and how that may be advantageous for you, your team, and your organization. How can the other person support you in areas where you may not be as strong? How can you support them in areas where they may need help? What can you learn from one another.
As you interact with others, reflect upon your mindset - are you focused on scarcity and see that person as a threat, or do you see the ways in which you can be beneficial to one another? Are you seeing the worst in others, or are you seeing them as opportunities to help you thrive? Are you continuing to beat yourself up, or do you understand that you have a place to shine with your coworkers?
Build strategic workplace partnerships.
Now it’s time to put your new mindset into action as your build strategic partnerships.
Whose support do you need to make progress toward your goals? What are their specific strengths and motivators? How can you build a win-win relationship in which you help them and they help you?
Intentionally look for opportunities to work together with others in collaboration.
Nurture those relationships for lasting value.
Just because a project has been completed, a target has been reached, your position has changed, or you do not work at the same place any longer does not mean that your professional relationship needs to end. You can continue to lean on each others’ strengths as you pursue new adventures. Set up reminders to touch base with others periodically and share information on interests and take a few minutes to catch up on what’s most important to them. You will build a strong network, and you will have powerful resources for future opportunities. Check out my previous blog and free resources regarding networking.
You do not have to put up with conflict. Apply these four steps to gain influence in your workplace relationships and move forward in advancing your career goals.
