4 Ways to Effectively Deal with Difficult Coworkers
What could be more annoying and frustrating than having difficult coworkers? They make getting things done much harder and slower. They are simply exhausting. If you could push a magic button to get them to cooperate, your world would be more peaceful and productive.
If I’m describing your current situation, there’s encouraging news coming your way - Your magic button exists! There are actually 4 buttons you can push or actions you can take that can help you deal with difficult coworkers.
Identify the true source of conflict.
Most people do not wake up in the morning determined to make your life miserable and your job more difficult. The true source of conflict comes from differences in people - their behavior tendencies and motivations. Do these examples sound familiar to you?
Brad and Anika have been assigned the task of increasing sales by 10% this quarter. Brad immediately drafts several marketing campaigns that he wants to send out ASAP. He believes that the quantity of ads will capture the attention of as many viewers as possible. Anika, on the other hand, believes that quality is the primary driver of their success. She proposes a single, consistent message backed by testimonials of a few targeted customers participating in a beta program. Brad complains that Anika’s process would drag out the delivery of the ads, while Anika thinks Brad’s approach is too hasty and would lead to inconsistent messages as well as confusion for their customers. Both Brad and Anika want the same results, but their beliefs and actions are in direct conflict with one another.
Elise and Joann are both accountants at the same firm. Joann is furious with Elise because she constantly points out her mistakes and gives advice to Joann about how to do her job. Joann believes that Elise is purposefully trying to make her look bad, so Elise can get promoted. Elise, on the other hand, believes that she is helping others by sharing her extensive knowledge and preventing mistakes that could hurt the organization. Neither accountant intentionally sought out conflict. Joann’s focus is on advancing her career through relationships, while Elise’s focus is on accuracy and the consequences of inaccuracy.
When you can identify the source of the conflict, it opens up dialog that can bring resolution. If Brad recognizes Anika’s need to address quality, he can tweak his proposal to include steps he will take to ensure the quality of the message and product. Anika could tweak her message to emphasize the urgency of delivery as well as the span of customers impacted. If instead of taking Elise’s comments personally, Joann recognizes there could be another reason behind those corrections, she could strike up a conversation with Elise without being emotionally charged.
The success behind this action is first understanding your own behavior tendencies and motivations for your actions, so you can then consider how these factors may be different for others. There are several ways to gain insight about your own behaviors and motivators. You can set aside time for personal reflection, obtain feedback from others, and take an assessment.
Build a relationship of trust.
Not all conflict is bad; however, if you are consistently experiencing conflict that results in unproductive outcomes, then you should consider investing in a strategy to build trust with your coworkers. There are a couple ways you can approach building trust.
Think about a relationship in which you experience high trust. Write down the characteristics of that relationship that enable you to build trust. Then, reflect on how you can instill these characteristics into the relationships with your coworkers. (I also recommend exploring trust by reading Stephen M. R. Covey’s book The Speed of Trust.) For example, perhaps you tend to trust people because they keep their commitments to you. They do what they say they are going to do, and they show up on time when you have appointments together. If this characteristic is important to you to build trust, then put it into place in your relationships with your coworkers. Acknowledge when your coworkers stick to their commitments. At the same time, intentionally aim to keep your commitments with your coworkers, so they can learn to trust you as well.
Another way to approach building trust is to embrace the practice of feedback. Have you ever asked your coworkers for feedback? It starts with a simple conversation: “Can I ask you for some feedback?” Obviously, if the person says no to this question, then they are not ready to engage with you. If they agree, ask, "I would like to grow and improve our working relationship. What’s one thing I do well, and what’s one thing I can do differently?” You’ll have an automatic action plan for one thing you should keep doing that they appreciate, and one thing you need to incorporate into your interactions. When they see you responding to their feedback, you will gain momentum with your shared trust.
The success behind this magical button is taking action. If you do nothing to build trust and continue behaviors that break down trust, you will continue to experience conflict and risk losing valuable feedback. If you take appropriate action, however, you can earn allies at work.
Use peer pressure to your advantage.
If you are facing a stubborn mule for a coworker that refuses to budge or consider anything outside of his or her own agenda, sometimes a less direct approach is more effective. Peer pressure can have a huge impact on the opinions and actions of others.
Remember those allies you have built trusting relationships with? They will come in handy when you are faced with strong opposition. Help your allies to understand your objectives and how they can specifically support you. The more people that champion your efforts, the more likely it is that your stubborn coworker will get on board.
Who are your allies?
What message do you need them to communicate?
How can they specifically support your message?
Shift your focus.
Are you hyper-focused on your difficult coworkers and allowing them to have more of an impact than they should?
What would happen if instead of focusing on your difficult coworkers, you focused on what you can do to move forward without them?
What we focus on tends to become our reality. If you focus intensely on problems, they tend to block your vision of possibilities. If you spend a significant amount of time and energy on your difficult coworkers, your capacity to focus on what really matters is restricted.
What can you do to remind yourself of what’s most important?
How can you accomplish your tasks while minimizing the exposure of unproductive conflict?
Having productive relationships at work enables you to accomplish more, feel connected, and increase your energy levels. Which action will you take to pave the way to better relationships with your difficult coworkers?
If you are struggling with a particular relationship at work, Flow Momentum offers a variety of services to help you create an effective strategy to address conflict.
